


Thank you Christine.

by Mufffy



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: ?? - Freeform, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Crying, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I literally got no sleep, I wrote this at 4am and half of it might be me sleep typing, It is 10:45am and i did not sleep, M/M, Panic Attacks, Pining Michael, Self-Hatred, Texting, Yes i do that, i am hungry, i'm not tagging chris and jerry as a relationship because all they do is talk about tea, just stares, oh god okay time for angst tags, she doesnt say anything, sure, this was longer than expected
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 10:45:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12479784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mufffy/pseuds/Mufffy
Summary: When Jeremy tries to confess his love to Christine things don't go as smoothly as he thinksAnd with a little realization, he finds out who he does actually like





	Thank you Christine.

**Author's Note:**

> WELL DESERVED NAP TIME.

“W-What?” Jeremy and Michael were planted in Michael’s basement, Another afternoon of Jeremy’s non-sense rambling about Christine. And Michael was up to here with his rambling

“Why don’t you just talk to her? You’ve done it before, Ask her to hang out and just.. go for it” Michael smiled from his pepsi can, leaning his head back leaving Jeremy to think about it

He stared down at the control in his hands, rubbing his thumb on the side of the controller “..Y-You’re right” He mumbled, Michael coughing on his soda at the look of determination on Jeremy’s face

“Oh no..” He mumbled, wiping his mouth of soda “I know that face” He sighed and paused the game, staring at Jeremy 

Jeremy looked up to make intense eye contact with him, almost a begging look

Michael grimaced, He hated that look. Not only because Jeremy wanted to ditch him for Christine but also because he was going to, even though Michael had the biggest crush on Jeremy, no one seemed to notice but Rich.

Michael sighed again, this time deeper and a frown appearing “She’d be at the mall right now?” Michael answered without being asked a question, sounding more like a question than anything else

Michael watched him smile, his lips curling at the end. And he smiled, he couldn’t help but smile and feel sad. Knowing Jeremy was smiling only because he was thinking of Christine 

“I-I’ll be b-back” Jeremy’s grin grew as he stood up and dropped the controller in his bean bag, running to the stairs

“Jeremy” Michael sat up, watching his friend look back at him curiously “Be careful..” And with that, Jeremy nodded and with a smile still on his face he ran up the stairs to go chase after Christine

Michael was happy, he really was! After the squipcident he knew Jeremy would be broken, damaged more than anything else. He would need lots of encouragement and he would have panic attacks more often, and he’d stutter and hunch over more often, Be more quiet, Talk less and get nervous over the smallest things he could’ve done easily. And him finally being able to talk to his crush was something Michael should be happy about, Right? So he was happy. He loved Jeremy, and Jeremy loved Christine. 

Michael loved everything about Jeremy, even all his quirks and fidgets now, he didn’t understand what he saw in Christine, but he knew whatever it was it made him happy and he didn’t have it

___________

Jeremy took a deep breathe before shaking his head “N-No” He smiled, looking down at Christine. She asked him what he had just said but in all honesty he couldn’t look at her, He couldn’t keep looking at her and wishing they were together because he didn’t want that anymore

“Um.. Alright?” Christine smiled, bouncing on her feet a little before pointing away “I’m going to go with Ja- ..Jeremy?” She mumbled, watching his eyes gloss over as he turned to walk away. She winced, watching the way he curled in on himself as he walked, holding his elbows close as tears dropped on his shoes

He ignored her, or didn’t hear her, but if he did, he was defiantly ignoring him. She jumped on her feet a little, some what panicked before pulling out her phone

Christine 5:17 PM: Hey Jenna, Do you know Michael Mell’s phone number?

Jenna 5:18 PM: You need it?

Christine 5:19 PM: Stat

___________

Christine 5:21 PM: Michael??

Michael 5:23 PM: Christine?

Christine 5:24 PM: Michael! I need help

Michael 5:25 PM: If it’s about Jeremy please just give him a shot? I know he’s not like ‘your type’ but still

Christine 5:27 PM: Actually he’s kind of.. crying

Michael 5:29 PM: What did you do to him.

Michael could feel the anger balling up inside of him. He wasn’t going to just let some girl break his best friend’s heart after he went through literal hell. Physical and Mental hell

Michael 5:29 PM: Explain immediately

Michael got up and ignored his phone buzzing with texts to get up and run up the stairs, running out to his car and finally pulling his phone out, staring at her messages 

Christine 5:30 PM: I asked him if he said something at the mall and he said no, So we stood awkwardly for a minute before i was about to leave  
Christine 5:31 PM: Then he started crying and walked away! I didn’t want to chase after him but i couldn’t just let him walk away, I don’t know if i did it or something happened prior?? But i couldn’t just let him go and cry!

Michael 5:33 PM: Here’s what you’re going to do okay? Please, Until i get there, Just try and find him, Hug him, Encourage him, Just anything! Until i get there

Christine looked up from her phone and grimaced as she looked around for Jeremy. Last she saw him, he was walking away in.. a direction, but she couldn’t remember which one. All she could do was look down from the escalators and try and find him

_

Michael could feel his heart racing as he started to drive, He couldn’t believe he actually told Jeremy to do this. It was all his fault Jeremy was crying and god knows where. He couldn’t help but feel guilty, sighing as he made his way to the mall

_

Christine eventually spotted him, rubbing his eyes on a dark blue bench near the exit. She didn’t know if he didn’t want to leave or if he just needed to sit down before he collapsed into a panic attack. Probably the second one

“Jeremy!” She quickly ran up to him, stopping next to him as he flinched, his eyes wide and still tear full “Jeremy..” She mumbled, sitting down next to him “I-I’m sorry! If i said something! or if something happened before you came here but I’m here to talk- Please” She begged, his face a pleading and concerned mess. It felt weird to stare at Christine while she wasn’t smiling, Jeremy didn’t exactly like it but he did care that she.. cared?

“I-I’m fine” he laughed, coming out as a pained choke, quickly looking down. He rubbed his eyes again before any tears could fall, with his cardigan sleeve “So.. M-maybe i’m not t-totally f-fine..” he mumbled, more of a muffled whisper than anything

“Jeremy, You can talk to me. Please, I encourage you to talk to me! You don’t even have to tell me whats wrong or what you were saying before you were crying, Just anything that’ll make you feel better!” Christine pushed, trying her best to make the situation as better as she could 

Jeremy didn’t smile. It felt a little better, but he couldn’t smile right now. Not when he realized he doesn’t want to talk to Christine. After nearly a year of wanting to just be able to talk to her, He can’t. He doesn’t want to, He doesn’t understand what he wants but he doesn’t want anything or anyone right now

“Um.. W-What about food? Do you like food?” Christine smiled, looking into Jeremy’s puffy eyes “..No? Um, What about a drink? Like hot chocolate or a coffee?”

Jeremy thought about it, Maybe he could at least mumble some random response and she’d be happy “..I-I like t-tea” He faintly smiled, still holding his elbows

“Tea?” Jermey’s heart sank a little “Tea is good, Is there a specific kind you like?” Christine’s smile was growing almost desperate at this point

“..S-sweet tea” Jeremy laughed, slightly, but it was a real, pure laugh “B-But only i-if it’s warm” He smiled. He was smiling now, and didn’t know what

“Not iced tea? What about uh.. Like, Lemonade and tea, I heard people mix them, Have you ever tried that?” She smiled a little, looking up behind Jeremy and around to see if she could spot Michael. She didn’t yet

“Hm.. C-can’t say i-i have, Have y-you?” Jeremy’s knees that he was hugging fell to just one knee until they were both on the ground, now just revealing he was shaking

“Yeah, Kind of bitter though” She stuck her tongue out, making a bitter and silly face

It didn’t make Jeremy laugh but he did smile, looking down. He wasn’t sad, but he wasn’t happy, He should be happy but he didn’t understand why.. He wanted something more? To talk about life, not whether he’s drinking tea with lemonade or not. He couldn’t help but slightly sob at that. He didn’t want to ramble and stutter about tea, He could’ve done this easily if he’d never wanted Christine in the first place

Just as Christine made a small noise, sounding out sympathy he jumped, feeling something warm and a little heavy fall onto his shoulders. He looked down to see a bright red jacket with patches on the sleeve, then looked behind him with wide eyes, glancing up to see Michael and smiled, He couldn’t help but smile at Michael but also feel guilty. Guilty and needy. He had left Michael for him to just come back to him

He didn’t remember slipping the jacket sleeves on, or jumping up to hug Michael, burying his face into Michael’s chest, letting his sobs fall out of his mouth, not caring if people stared or not anymore. He could feel his eyes pricking with warm tears again as Michael mouthed a quick “Thank you” to Christine before she gave a thumbs up and waved, walking off.

“I-I’m sorry” Jermey sobbed, he could feel his heart aching at the thought of him shaking in Michael’s arms, and Michael could feel his own heart breaking at Jeremy’s sobs. He hated seeing Jeremy cry, especially when he was so confident before the supposed bad thing happened. Aka; Christine?

It wasn’t even her fault but Michael couldn’t help feel a little bitter over it “It’s okay, It’s okay. It’s not your fault, You did a good job and you tried” Michael reassured, taking a small step backwards as he slowly led Jeremy into the parking lot, under his arm and to the car

Jeremy climbed into the passenger seat, curling in on himself as if he was going to have a panic attack. Michael climbed in and sighed, petting his head a little before turning the key to pull out of the parking lot “You’re doing fine, Just breathe” Michael smiled down at him and Jeremy couldn’t help but smile at him too

“I-I’m sorry..” Is all Jeremy could say. He wanted to say things, Nicer things to Michael, A thanks, and a hug if he could get up or let go of his knees. But he couldn’t. All he could do was saying quiet sorry’s and whine. And Michael was okay with this, because he could handle this Jeremy. He might be unstable and broken but Michael loved his Jeremy

“Don’t be Jerry” He mumbled and everything went quiet. Whether it was Jeremy ignoring everything, falling asleep or Michael ignoring him it was quiet, quiet to the point where when he looked back up he was outside of Michael’s house and Michael was texting someone

Jeremy looked at him and blinked, He didn’t want to look at the texts or the messages and be rude so he ended up looking back out the window, rubbing his eyes that were yep, still dripping with tears

“You awake?” Michael laughed a little and opened the door ”You fell asleep in the car and i couldn’t help but not wake you” he smiled, climbing out

“..Sorry” Jermey mumbled, opening the car door and climbed out. He could feel the still warm imprints on his face from his hand and smiled a little. Michael wasn’t ignoring him then, He just fell asleep

“Don’t be, You kind of.. Did have a panic attack in the mall” Michael’s voice was quiet and gentle. Jeremy should be freaking out more or crying harder but Michael’s voice was so sooting and relaxing Jeremy could only lower his shoulders and lean into Michael’s touch when he put an arm around Jeremy. He was still crying, He didn’t know why, but it felt so long since he’d been allowed to cry. He didn’t know he was crying so hard until Michael was lightly petting his head, seeming to do the trick to make him feel better

“It’s okay, Jeremy.. You don’t have to keep apologizing for something like this, I know you needed help with this. It was an emergency and i had to come, Just like I promised. To always come to you” Michael whispered in his ear. He didn’t even know he had apologized before bitting his lip, having the urge to apologize again

“H-How did you k-know I was..” He trailed off, thinking about it. He didn’t want to say crying but he especially didn’t want to hear ‘panic attack’ out of his own mouth. He also didn’t know he was crying harder into Michael’s shoulder as he carried him inside, and he hated being carried but right now, Being wrapped up in Michael’s hoodie and cuddled into his chest, He liked

“I had a feeling” He lied, opening the door to try and get him inside as he passed one of his mom’s, waving her off as she gave him a concerned look “You still are kind of fragile” Michael smiles “Which is okay to be, Especially after what you went through”

Jeremy took a breathe, swallowing down the next round of tears before laying his head down. He didn’t want to respond right now, or talk, He wanted to cry into Michael’s shoulder and have him hold him. No matter how pathetic he would feel afterwards, He didn’t want it anymore, he needed

Michael gave it a minute of silence before looking at his mom, shaking his head as he held Jeremy close, walking carefully to the couch to sit down where Jeremy gladly moved to cave in on Michael’s shoulder, closing his eyes

“I know bud, I know” He whispered, hugging him and petting him with the other hand. His fingers ran through Jeremy’s hair, just lightly pulling it in the way it calmed him. He didn’t even know how it worked, just that he liked it

He just barely opened his eyes to look up at Michael, shifting awkwardly to stare at him ‘I-I just don’t understand..” He whispered, looking back down to bury his face “S-she ignored me a-and then wanted t-to talk to me a-and i didn’t even want to talk to her! ..N-Not after that” he mumbled

Michael couldn’t help but feel guilty for this mess. He didn’t want Jeremy a stuttering, crying mess as much as he loves to hold him and slowly rock him to relax him and coax him out of another panic attack

“It’s okay, You don’t have to talk to her for a while, or a long while. No one is forcing you” Michael whispered, playing with Jeremy’s curls. He could feel them moving, Michael lightly twirling his finger and scratching his head

“B-But i wanted to for the l-longest time! A-and i don’t even have a god d-damn crush on her anymore!” He sighed, burying his face further into Michael’s collar bone, slowly moving to his neck until Michael hugged him, his face buried into Michael’s neck now. It calmed him a little more, relaxing the tension he had been building up

Michael was quiet for another minute, never letting go of Jeremy. Just petting him and listening to his sobs

“A-and i don’t even know why i-i’m crying.. I just- I don’t know” Jeremy laughed a little, rubbing his eyes with Michael’s jacket sleeve

“You don’t have to hold it all in..” Michael whispered “I know you haven’t cried since i came and saw you in the hospital, three months ago. I don’t want you holding in all of that, It’s going to emotionally wreck you” He smiled, looking down at Jeremy at his collar bone

Jeremy’s lip quivered as he smiled, trying not to cry more. But the more he thought about it, the more reasons he had to cry. He shouldn’t cry over it all, but he’d held in everything, Big and small. His dad not paying any attention to him as much as he expected once he got out of the hospital, How distance he felt to Michael, How Rich had gotten better at bullying him but he still did. He cared what more and more people thought, He’d gotten worse about his anxiety and panic attacks and he couldn’t help but feel like he slipped up somewhere, anywhere, Everywhere he could think to imagine. He messed it all up.

He held himself back from crying. He wanted to apologize to Michael so many times and cry into his chest again. This time harder, to get everything out. He knew he’d look like a mess and he’d feel pathetic and guilty afterwards but he didn’t care. It’d been so long since Michael had held him and told him everything was going to be okay like this

Before Jeremy knew it he was choking on sobs into Michael’s shoulder again, soaking the fabric on his shirt and the sleeves on Michael’s jacket. Now he was thinking about Michael leaving him like he once did. He couldn’t imagine how Michael felt once he left, let alone when he bluntly ignored his best friend when he didn’t even want to be with Christine

He hated himself.

He hated himself for being stupid and leaving Michael for some girl he didn’t even like. He hadn’t even know he didn’t like her until he actually talked to her. Which was dumb because if he didn’t talk to her then why does he like her? Because he doesn’t. He doesn’t know what he wants but he knows he doesn’t want Michael to leave him

“J-Jeremy?” Michael mumbled, still holding Jeremy close to his chest “Hey Calm down, Calm down” Michael pulled the hood up over Jeremy’s head and held him close

Jeremy opened his eyes, his vision blurry and his head aching. He couldn’t imagine how long he’d been crying but it’s enough to give him a head ache. He took a sharp breathe that he couldn’t hear over his heart beat, He swallowed roughly and brought his hands up to cover his ears to realize Michael put his head phones on him. He blinked, realizing the heart beat wasn’t his, It was a light base with calming music. He smiled, not because of the song but because Michael had kept the playlist that calmed Jeremy

He rubbed his eyes, wiping his face the best he could as he soaked the sleeves more before pulling laying his head down. He doesn’t know how long he sat long he sat like that until he was calm, Maybe twenty minutes, Maybe an hour. He couldn’t fall asleep this time, As sad as that made him. His thoughts were over lapping all coming back to Michael leaving him

Jeremy suddenly sat up, startling Michael a little as he stared him pulling the head phones off “..I don’t d-deserve you” Jeremy mumbled, looking up at Michael. And Michael frowned before smiling, He expected Michael to agree with him or laugh at him, Just the thought of that made him flinch

“You deserve everything” He smiled, holding Jeremy’s arms. They were thin and shaky still but Michael held them to calm him “And don’t you think otherwise” he smiled

Jeremy laughed. Actually laughed, He didn’t know whether it was from Michael’s smile or just the thought of Michael getting on to him for thinking negatively about himself. Either way it made him happy

“..Michael?” His smile dropped, looking up to see Michael’s still smiling face as he tilted his head “..I-I know i left you b-before, A-and i’m sorry-“

“Don’t be” Michael cut him off “Sorry to interrupt, but it’s all okay now. You don’t need to constantly apologize. Just say the word and i’d do anything for you-“

“D-don’t leave me like i-i did” Jeremy mumbled, looking at Michael in the eyes. Michael staring back into Jeremy’s

“I’d never” Michael smiled, pulling the hood up on his jacket to cover Jeremy’s eyes as Jeremy laughed. Michael loved to hear his laugh “Especially when you’re like.. well this, Not at your best but you’re doing better” Michael played with the headphones cord as Jeremy smiled

“Thanks..” Jeremy mumbled, watching Michael’s fingers tangle in the black cord. A bit of him wishes he could play with his hair again, but he was better now. Before everything hits him, Eyes still puffy and red, head ache still present and his throat burning from choking down sobs. He groaned, putting his forehead on Michael’s shoulder for him to rub his back

“..Headache?” Michael smiled, feeling the small nod and mumbled as an answer “I think it’s time for a nap” he smiled

Jeremy smiled and sat up “Treating me like a five year old now? Really?”

“Be glad i’m going to let this five year old sleep on me” Michael smiled

Jeremy rubbed his head before lowering himself back into Michael’s side, smiling. He liked this, he never knew how much he loved this, curling up next to Michael as he flicked the tv on, finding something to watch. He loved it in fact, making him think about Michael leaving again as he wrapped an arm around Michael’s torso as he buried his face closer to Michael’s neck

Michael, of course, reassuring put an arm around him to somehow pull him closer, closing the small gap that was between them

Jeremy blushed a little before looking down and looking up at Michael in shock. Michael had just made him blush. And he kind of liked it, knowing that Michael could make him blush

“Something wrong” Michael watched Jeremy for a second before Jeremy’s whole face was red

“Oh my god” he mumbled, pulling the jacket over his mouth “Oh my actual god” Jeremy laughed, thinking about his situation more and more

“Hey- What’s wrong?” Michael sounded worried, worried for Jeremy who was laughing and freaking out but still smiling. If Michael didn’t know any better he’d think Jeremy was loosing his mind 

“I-It’s so clear to me now- I-I didn’t think of it u-until now but i did a-and it all makes sense!” He laughed, relaxing into Michael a little more where he was greeting with a hug

“Care to explain? I’m.. a little worried for you” Michael smiled a little, staring down at Jeremy’s face

Jeremy cleared his throat and sat up, Still in Michael’s arms “A-Are we.. dating? Like, a thing??” Jeremy blushed a shade darker, Michael’s face growing warmer too

“Um.. W-well” Michael smiled nervously “Not officially? I mean, not if you don’t want to, but we pretty much act like a couple so.. If you want to see it that way? I guess so” Michael smiled, obviously nervous

Jeremy smiled and hugged Michael quickly, basically jumping on him. Michael made a strange squeaking sound but hugged him back, laughing even. They stayed like that for a good few moments before Jeremy pulled away

“It.. makes sense- I just.. I-I thought.. I don’t want to be with Christine because.. I-I like this. I like this w-way more than talking with her” Jeremy smiled and slowly laid his head back onto Michael’s shoulder

Michael stared at the tv, holding Jeremy close as he thought about it “..I’m.. Happy, You like this better” Michael smiled down at him and in a quick decision of fight or flight he kissed Jeremy’s forehead, lightly squeezing him closer before relaxing

“So.. A-are we dating now?” Jeremy mumbled into Michael’s shoulder, still watching the tv as Michael put on Stranger Things

“..Well, Do you want to date?” Michael watched the tv still, paying more attention to Jeremy though

“I-I’d like that” Jeremy smiled. Cuddling into Michael’s side as they watched tv.. All because he thought he liked a girl he knew nothing about.


End file.
